I feel rotten. There are simply some things that you must not let others decide for you. This I'm learning the hard way.
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I read The Class by Erich Segal more than a decade ago and his account of the compromises the main characters had to make as they reached adulthood - the end of bright-eyed, youthful idealism - stuck in my mind long after I read the book. Now I am in a similar position in the sense that I am continually making compromises. It used to bother me then; now it still does but to a much lesser degree. I have become jaded and worse, a weakling and a coward.

I greeted a relative who is celebrating her 40th bday. She said thanks, told me she feels so old, and reminded me to do the things I want to do now. I said I seem to be doing the reverse of that: I'm not doing what I don't want to do - most of the time, at least.

Sometimes I think I'm not meant to be doing what I'm doing. The strange thing is, I seem to be good at some aspects of what I do. Thus, I am stuck doing what I'm not certain I still want to do.

A friend and I were horsing around and we ended up trashtalking. I told her she is an evil ex to her ex. She pointed out that at least she has an ex. I said she can have her ex. I wouldn't dream of taking your ex away from you, honey. Are most people really proud of having exes even if they've all managed to make enemies out of each other at the end of the relationship? That is so weird. It's just like saying: So I have this ex and I screwed him up pretty badly for life, but hey, I am so glad it happened.

A coworker - a non-lawyer - sought my legal advice about a personal matter yesterday. As we talked, I got the impression that she wanted me to advise her in accordance with what she wanted to do - even if it was clearly incorrect. As a rule, I do not pull punches when I give a person some legal advice. My thinking is that If I am a client asking for legal advice, I'd want my lawyer to be frank and forthcoming about what I should expect in a case. However, it appears that my officemate didn't like my legal advice. She's now pretending I don't exist, which is fine because I don't obsess about everyone who I share breathing space with. What's ironic is that I think I just made an enemy by trying to help.

I was looking at a friend's Facebook photos of this year's bar exams, and I feel extremely grateful that I don't have to take the bar exams again in this lifetime. Almost every lawyer I know loathed going through the torture of the bar exams: bar review, taking the bar exams and waiting for the bar results.

Of the three, I would say that I abhorred bar review the most. I never liked studying for long hours and I hated not having a life during the bar review. For a lakwatsera like myself, it was sheer torture to sit still and limit my interactions with friends in order to focus on my review. Para akong preso. But I can only speak for myself. I'm sure my more disciplined peers and those blessed with more organized study habits all have different - if not positive - experiences in reviewing for the bar.

In the remote chance that someone taking this year's bar exams is reading this, I say good luck, have faith and watch out for the trick questions. Anything is possible if you put your heart into it. Just answer the effin' questions the best way you can:)